This Animal I Have Become
by DatAssRomano
Summary: Based on the song by 3 Days Grace, called "Animal I Have Become." Francis was in love with Arthur, but what he didn't realise as he pined over the Brit he couldn't have, was that someone understood. Someone knew about the animal he had become. ((Mentions of suicide))


**DARoma; ...don't ask. This was originally one of my FrUk oneshots but I wanted Franada so...**

**(3 Days Grace is epic :3 Although I prefer Panic! At The Disco)**

**### ####**

_I can't escape this hell  
So many times i've tried  
But i'm still caged inside  
Somebody get me through this nightmare  
I can't control myself_

Francis...had always liked Arthur Kirkland.

There was just one eensy problem to this.

### ####

_So what if you can see the darkest side of me?  
No one will ever change this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal  
(This animal, this animal)_

"So...who do you like, Tonio?"

"I bet it's that cute little Italian boy!"

"Non, it's the older one, I believe," Francis said with a small measure of confidence. Antonio grinned at him, the pure happiness of the smile making the blonde smile back. "Si! Lovino is mi tomate! How did you know?" Francis shrugged. "You follow him around so much, mon amour, it was obvious." Antonio laughed. "That's my Francis, king of romance!" Gilbert snickered loudly. "Don't you mean queen?" They all laughed.

"Nah, but seriously, Francis. You ever gonna settle down?"

"What's that supposed to mean, mon amour?"

"Well, I have Roddy, and Tonio has Lovino...kind of."

"I do have someone," Francis admitted finally.

"Really?! Do they go to our school?"

"Oui."

"Are you two going out? How far have you gone?"

"...nowhere."

"What?"

Francis sighed. "He has a boyfriend already, cher. I don't want to get in the way of that." Gilbert patted him on the back. "But if you love him, shouldn't you tell him that?" Antonio had wandered off to the table with his 'tomato' by now and wasn't listening. "Non," Francis said, his voice barely a whisper. "It wouldn't be fair to get in the way of his happiness to suit my own. That is wrong, Gilbert."

Dark red eyes looked at him apprehensively. "That doesn't sound like you."

Francis shrugged lightly, a fake smile crossing his face.

_I can't escape myself  
(I can't escape myself)  
So many times i've lied  
(So many times i've lied)  
But there's still rage inside  
Somebody get me through this nightmare  
I can't control myself_

He got to see Arthur every day, and as much as it hurt, he was helplessly addicted. He just had to see those amazing green eyes, those dark looks directed at him as he made a perverted remark. That strangely attractive messy blonde hair. Every glance sent a sharp spear through Francis's heart, and he'd go home to play something depressing. He knew somewhere in his mind the more he stayed the more he'd lose his waning sanity, but...he just needed Arthur like a rose needed water.

_So what if you can see the darkest side of me?  
No one will ever change this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal_

Days went past, weeks, months, seasons, years, and Francis stayed exactly where he was; near Arthur. Somehow they'd become friends despite the Brit's grumpiness, and Arthur seemed to like him enough not to push him away, which was all Francis ever wanted.

He watched as Arthur's boyfriend came to pick him up every day.

He watched then kiss, Arthur blushing at the display of affection.

He watched the boy profess his love in front of everyone, wanting to punch his face in.

He wanted to scream at the sheer unfairness of the situation. He should be the one getting close to Arthur, he should be the one to see him laugh, and cry, and everything else. He should have that. He needed Arthur to save him from himself.

_Somebody help me through this nightmare  
I can't control myself  
Somebody wake me from this nightmare  
I can't escape this hell_

The day Alfred F. Jones proposed to Arthur Kirkland- and the Brit accepted- Francis felt his heart crack. He was mildly surprised no one had heart the reverberating shatter as the fragile organ began to cut him up from the inside, the metallic taste of blood filling his mouth and tainting the dark sweetness of the red wine. As everyone cheered happily for the newly-engaged couple, Francis found himself standing, walking soundlessly up the stairs of the hotel they were staying in. Up the cold, cold stairs, one, two, three, more.

He didn't realise where he was until he was standing on the roof, hands on the chilled metal of the railing, leaning slightly out. Maybe... if he just fell, this horrible broken feeling would go away.

He shifted on his feet.

_(This animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal)_

"Francis, you stupid hoser, what're you doing?!"

He turned, surprise rippling through him as he saw pale violet eyes behind frames, shocked and glaring. A frown crossed his face as he recognised the blonde.

"...Matthieu...?"

"Goddamn it, Francis, you don't need him!" Matthew's voice was barely above normal speaking tone, but it was as effective as shouting in his face as he saw the tears gathering in the other's face. "You don't need him! He wasn't your whole world, you know! Other people...other people need..." after a few sentences the small Canadian broke down into sobs, dropping to his knees on the floor.

Francis stared.

"He didn't know who you really were...but I do, Francis, god, I get it, I really do."

Somehow, this managed to snap the Frenchman out of his staring. He took one more step, another, until he could drop down beside the crying Canadian. Matthew reached forward and tugged him closer, burying his face in Francis's collarbone. The older blonde could feel the wetness of the tears, and it startled him. He kneeled there, immobile as he heard the other sobbing.

"...why do you care so much?"

"Because...because I don't think Arthur has the right to be your whole world when I'm the one who stood by you, who watched you fall into the darkness. He shouldn't have that much control over you, when I'm the one in love with you!"

Francis froze.

_So what if you can see the darkest side of me?  
No one will ever change this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal  
(This animal I have become) _

"Mon amour...do you really..."

"Mhm."

One pale hand reached up and began to stroke Matthew's hair softly. "Merci," Francis said softly as the other let out a relieved laugh. "I thought you'd be so stuck on Arthur that you'd just ignore me," Matthew replied, the words somewhat muffled.

"Non. You're very different from Arthur, Matthieu. You understand. You know...what an animal I have become."


End file.
